Can I invite people to my bridal shower if I'm not inviting them to my destination wedding?

You should not invite anyone to your shower who isn't going to be on your wedding guest list. (The exceptions to this policy are very specific, for instance, office bridal showers where co-workers aren't going to be invited to the wedding.) The reason for this is that since showers require that guests bring gifts, it looks grabby to invite people to the lesser party but have them not make the cut for the main event. You can have a little more flexibility if you have a post-elopement or post-destination wedding reception back at home where you invite all of those shower guests, but you have to know that you are going to have the later at-home celebration before you send the shower invitations.

Question: Do I need a separate reception card with my wedding invitation?

A reader asked me, "If my wedding ceremony and reception are in the same place, do I need a separate reception card with my wedding invitation?

• What are your dreams? First, make sure you and your fiancé are on the same page. Have you always dreamed of a small intimate wedding, or a huge bash? Do you envision a guest list of 30 or 300?
  
  
• Who is so important that you can't imagine getting married without them there? Until you have your reception and ceremony venues finalized, you won't know how big your guest list can be. However, it's a good idea at this stage of the game to start counting family and your closest friends, and get a sense of how many essential invites you have. After all, if you have 60 essential invites, you should probably forget about the charming chapel that only seats 50.
  
  
• Who is absolutely not welcome? Now is also a good time to discuss ground rules. If you're uncomfortable with ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends coming, even if your fiancé is on friendly terms with them, speak up now. Other persona non grata may include:
  
  • children
    
  • + guest for the single people (something that can really up your costs)
    
  • people who tend to drink too much, especially if you're not close to them anyway
    
  • business acquaintances
    
  • those who one of you is estranged from
  
  
• Who is paying for the wedding? If your parents are paying the bill, you should talk to them about how many people they want to invite – some sensitive negotiation may be necessary here if they have 100 people, but you wanted to have a small wedding or vice versa. If you and your fiancé are paying, or everyone's chipping in, sensitivity is still in order but it will probably be easier for you to call the shots.
  
  
• What can you afford? Once you've set your budget, be realistic. How many people can you afford to invite? Ask yourself if it's more important to have lots of people, or to pamper a smaller amount of people with an elegant meal with all the trimmings? Remember that no matter what your style, each extra person will add to your bottom line – if you're on a tight budget, a smaller wedding is probably the way to go.

Can we register for gifts if we're having a destination wedding?

Whether you're eloping or having a destination wedding, you can always register for presents. What you shouldn't do in either case is demand gifts, which means you shouldn't print your registry information on your wedding invitations. In the case of elopements, people may or may not feel inclined to give wedding presents, so you can't count on receiving them the way you could if you were having a full-on wedding.

1. Don't seat battling relatives together.
2. So that everyone has a good time, seat teens together, aunts and uncles together, etc. Try seating groups either by their relationship to you or by their ages.
3. As for the head table, the rule has changed so often that there isn't one anymore. You and your better half can sit at a raised table with your wedding party below you. You can have your own table with a table on either side of you with your wedding party. You and your husband in the middle of a long table with men on one side and women on the other, or boy, girl, boy, girl. Parents and grandparents at the table or not, it's up to you.
4. Stick to table numbers. Famous couples, places you've been, etc., are hard to see from across the room. We've heard many complaints by guests at weddings, when they have to search for their tables.
5. Reserved tables are all you need. Why put yourself through the extra work of having a reserved chair for each guest? It just gives people something else to complain about.
6. It's a good idea to have a "Reserved" card at the parents seats. They are the only ones that need preferred seating.